Inspired from a conversation with my husband yesterday.
A conversation between a rational human being and a $50-dollar bill.
H: Ah, fresh moolah!
$: I love it when you call me that.
H: What could I spend $50 on? I could buy a couple shirts. Well, maybe one shirt at Macy’s. Hm, I might go over…
$: It wouldn’t hurt to go a little over. You look so beautiful in new shirts.
H: No, I really shouldn’t waste it all at once like that.
$: Oh, but think of all the colors! You could get a new magenta one, or an emerald green one, you don’t have a lot of emerald green. You look great in navy blue.
H: No, I think I ought to make it stretch more. It won’t last me forever; I’ll be broke again soon. So maybe I should buy small things with it so I can treasure it longer.
$: Some new make-up?? Oh, you are stunning with colorful eyeshadow. Think of it, you could buy a few quality make-up items with L’Oreal, or buy some slightly cheaper but equally good Maybelline, or maybe even CoverGirl. You like CoverGirl, don’t you?
H: No, I have so much make-up. I’ve been spending way too much money on it lately.
$: You’ve wanted a new pair of earrings for a while… How about some chandeliers? You’ll dazzle all who cross your path. You’ve been wanting them ever since they came in!
H: Good grief, that was 5 years ago now. I’d probably be WAY out of style if I bought some now.
$: What IS in now? What are the kids buying? iPods! An iPod Nano is only $120! You could be in with all the cool kids.
H: “In with all the cool kids”? I’m not a teenybopper anymore!
$: All right, fine. But you could put all your music on it and wear it when you’re walking or on an airplane… You could dance to the music in your head. You know you love that.
H: Ignoring that last bit. It would be great for taking walks with though. It’s so much easier to get in shape when music is involved, and I definitely want to get in shape. I’m not too far off. I’ll drop you in an envelope for safekeeping until I can gather up the rest of the money.
$: Oh, don’t put me in that dark awful place! Buy some new clothes, a new spring skirt, some camisoles.
H: I have ten million camisoles!
$: But skirts! And Sunday dresses! You need some more!
H: Maybe when I have a little more money to spend. Whenever that will be.
$: Okay, okay. You need more money. You need a job. You’re trying to get a job as a florist. What does a florist need? Flowers! Flowers to arrange! You need to keep up your skills.
H: I just bought, like, three bouquets last week! I need to lay off that a while.
$: Buy another one! Oh please, just spend me! I can’t stay in one place; it burns! How it burns! I must feel different hands, I must be involved in exchange, why are you hanging on to me?! I want to be FREE!!!
H: Wow, okay, you’re getting a little nutty there. I’m starting to wish I hadn’t gotten you in the first place.
$: But I love you!
H: I can’t spend you.
$: Please! Please! I’ll do anything. And I can do wonderful, marvelous things. Just free me!
H: That’s it, I’m locking you up.
$: NOOOO!!! Earrings! Shirts! Skirts! Make-up! MICHAEL’S!!!
$: YES!! I mean, yes. Michael’s. A perfectly rational place to spend money.
H: No, no, definitely not. I can’t even think of anything I need at Michael’s. Into the envelope you go.
$: *wailing quickly muffled by envelope closing*
H: Phew, glad that’s over. iPod Nano. I’ll get it soon.